Our league is made up of many types of beer leaguers...here are a few stereotypes where you might be able to place a name or two...

 

The Ringer

Without one, your team is done. And a good GM will know where to find these guys on the spare list and, quite often, will eat the $10 fee to get him to come out. First rounders, every year.

 

The Young Guy

Often mistaken for a ringer, since this player still has his socks and bag from his Jr or AAA days. But, now has a 9-5 job and only stays in shape for the first half of the season before his sedentary existence and late night partying catch up to him by Christmas. With 10-15 lbs added on, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Tends to drop in the draft year over year.

 

The Old Guy

Forget the Masters division, that's not for him. Even though his gloves reach up to his arm pit and his equipment is from the 70's with brand names no longer in business,  this guy still wants to skate with the young bucks. To be fair, the old guy can be effective, especially if he's wily - a hook here, a chop there. He is usually forced or coerced to make the move up.

 

The Tardy Goalie

Hey, thanks for showing up. The zamboni is done with the flood and he's just coming into the room. Not like he plays a crucial position or anything.

 

The Beginner

Never seems to get off the spare list no matter how many years have passed. Good for a few laughs. You admire the beginner's courage to buy all brand new gear and take up hockey at the age of 40. On the other hand, learn to take a pass, pal. The best thing about the beginner is he'll be at every 10:30pm game.

 

The Psycho

Also good for a laugh. Usually a cop or fireman. He will run the goalie, challenge a bench, a tomahawk chop, snap at a ref...anything goes. Will often be seen at the bar after the game carrying on with his act.

 

The Naked Guy

This guy will hold full conversations while standing in front of you in the buff. He won't even hold a towel to feign humility. Best to maintain eye contact.

 

The New Girlfriend Guy

The league reaps a lot of spare money due to these guys. They only show up to a handful of games. He'll be married soon, at which point he'll never miss another game.

 

The Minor Hockey All-Star

Looks promising at first as they fool you with decent skills, but after you fail to get a pass all game, you'll get the picture. This guys topped out at Midget AA and can be spotted by the huge blinders attached to his helmet. Not too many of these guys in our league as the spare list process filters them out.

 

Johnny Try Hard

Good guy to have on your team, but you hate to play against him. This guy has managed to stay in  ridiculously good shape and was likely an all-star athlete in high school with a current membership at LA Fitness. Play is characterized by constant hustle, which can embarrass the more talented, yet fatter player.

 

Stanley Cup Champ

These guys raise their hands and cheer when they score. The only way to stop this behavior is to catch him off guard with an open ice hit that causes him to blow snot bubbles while you only get a minor for body checking. If he is on your team, you must quickly chastise him in front of the other team to let them know this is not how your team rolls.

 

The Tough Guy

He maxed out house league level and has never been in a fight, but is characterized by his antagonizing behavior on the ice. Has been known to cheap shot a player. The fact the league does not allow fighting has given this guy a false sense of courage. One wrong cheap shot and the league loses a good guy who decided to knock out a couple of Tough Guy's chicklets.

 

The Wrong Guy 

Not to be confused with the Psycho. This guy shows up, keeps quiet, and flies under the radar. Give this guy a cheap shot and you'll end up finding out he once led his ECHL team in PIMs as you Google his name while recovering from facial surgery. Normally takes himself off the spare list when he sees too many Tough Guys in the league and knows it will be trouble.

 

The Gary Roberts

Way too intense. One of the better players, but is unable to adjust to the lower level of play in our league. He tries to coach players on the fly and may snap and call his team a bunch of house-leaguers. He despises "pond hockey" and is looking for some type of closure by winning the league championship. Best to send this kind of player to Senior A.

 

Corporate Guy

At first glance, just a regular family guy, married with children, and fancy car, and a cush job. But, in the dressing room, it's party time where he tells the latest tales of broads and good times while on business trips. He has pre-game and post-game beer with outrageous Vegas stories that have the boys in tears.

 

The Gear Guy

More money than brains. A mediocre player who compensates for poor skating by having the latest and best hockey gear. Good to have around as he has two of most things and can lend equipment in a pinch.

 

The Organizer

Brutal hockey player, but nobody else could be bothered to do all the work, so he gets to be on the team. Often heard muttering, "sorry guys, that one was my fault" with the hope that a team mate will say, "it's okay, it's a team game". Usually a smart guy who will take himself off the ice in critical situations. A dying breed in the EGIHL thanks to the filtering process of the spare list.

 

The Name Dropper

He claims to have played with or knows many famous players.

 

The Statistician

May or may not be the actual league stats keeper. But, he knows everyone's points and bores the hell out of his team as if they were playing in the Stanley Cup playoffs.

 

The Stand Out

Not necessarily for his skills and not a Gear Guy. The Stand Out will don a piece of equipment that makes him stand out (flashy gloves, shiny helmet, etc.) More often than not, a decent player and worth a gamble at the draft even if he does draw attention for his equipment. Easy to carve.

 

The Injury Bug

Misses more games than he plays every season. Yet, pays full pop to play in the league and is quite happy to do so as he will brag to his co-workers that he's in a league and takes pride in the fact he's on the injured list.

 

The Why Bother

Unlike the Injury Bug, this guy misses more games than he plays for any reason other than an injury. Business trips, kids hockey or school stuff, hunting, family vacations, etc. GM's hate these guys as they also tend to call on game night to apologize for the last minute call and a promise that it won't happen again...until next week.

 

The No Show

Nothing worse. Keeps the team and it's GM wondering until game time. The GM is often found trying to get reception on his cell phone to track down this clown. And then ends up scrambling to borrow a player from another team to get him through. Almost as bad? The Late Comer, see below.

 

The Late Comer

Nothing puts a team in more disarray than this guy. No matter what time the game is, he will show up late. A savvy GM is best to draw up a separate schedule for this guy with all games listed a half hour earlier. More GM's quit their job due to these types of players.

 

The Clique

This is not a player, but rather a group of players who always end up on the same team. And the longer they stay together over the years, the tougher it becomes to break them up. They have chalk talks before the game and lengthy post-mortems at the bar afterwards.

 

We Are Family

They might be brothers, father-son, cousins, whatever...but, when you've got one on your team, you best watch what you say in the dressing room and on the bench if a relative is within earshot...blood is thicker than water and a snide remark could land you in hot water.